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Monday, June 20, 2011

FIGHTS/BLOOD - ACW Realization of Mortality: Return of the Lethal Lottery!! Also, lots of bloody noses in Austin by Bowie Ibarra

First off, I'd like to dedicate this blog to the awesome Billy Trouson, who shared a discussion with me of the value of professional wrestling to other sports.  Billy, it's clear John Daley couldn't make it at Mohawks.  So pro-wrestling is at least more of a sport than golf.

By the way, his blog is like an off-Broadway version of  If you read and enjoy, you need to read his blog rants.
Here's the one that got us into the discussion of pro-wrestling being more of a sport than golf. 
But read it after you read the ACW Lethal Lottery fark recap.


It was a hot day in Austin as me and the SuperFans arrived at Mohawks bar in Austin, the Anarchy Championship arena in the ATX, but we were ready.  We were even able to bring ACdub SuperFan, Anna, who is still recovering in a wheelchair.  Though she was in danger by having limited mobility, she was ready to get her ACW fix.  And, to be honest, so was I. 

And today, the show featured one of my favorite innovations:  The Lethal Lottery.  Eight names thrown in a hat to match up in tag matches.  Those four mixed tag matches were put into brackets, with the winners facing each other.  Then those final four winners take on each other in a Four-Person scramble. 

Here's SuperFan Anna drawing a name from the hat.
The show opened with a match I missed.  Apparently, a dude named Black Rocker was was beat by a guy named "Too Much Metal" Greg James.  Though he won, he walked away with a bloody nose as we walked in.  It would be the first bloody nose of the night.

Then, Killa Ka$h, not to be confused with Killa Kei$ha, took on a rebooted JC Bravo.  Killa thrashed Bravo, even dropping him on his head and neck with a cruel throw that took a toll on Bravo, but not the fight.  With the bad back, he tried to fight back to no avail.  After Killa took the victory, he took liberties on Bravo, prompting a run in from Chingo.  Chingo then called out Plyskin and others for playing too rough.  We'll see how that plays out.

The Takeover, consisting of Plyskin, Miss Maulie, and the new scrote Draven, took on the wild combination of "A Random Collection of Wrestlers" consisting of Lillie Mae, Jeff the Ref, and Big Ricky.  Big Ricky had the most effective offense, but it wasn't enough.

Lillie Mae had a hard time dealing with the two power guys of the Takeover, including the new scrote.

The Takeover continued their domination of ACW opponents.

Ka$h and Athena teamed up in the first Lethal Lotto match, facing Kris Wolfe and the injured JC Bravo.  Ka$h and Athena took the win.

The next LL match featured "The Father of Pain" Darin Childs and "The Son of Anarchy" Matt Palmer taking on ACW Champ Davey Vega and Just Willie.  And it looked like Vega is using the prestige of the new title by getting sponsorship.

"Hi.  I"m Davey Vega.  When I need supplements, I go to the Supplement SuperStore."

Childs and Palmer on the attack.

Less effective with the massive weight loss, but still a sound strategy.

ACW Champ Vega working on his vaunted CannonBall Splash on the Metro Emo.

In the end, though, "The Father" and "The Son" took the victory.

The next Lotto match found Shaun Vexxxxxxx and Stan "Da' Sinna'" Summers taking on the team of "The Unfinished Symphony of Mullets" Amanda Fox and Slim Sexay. 

Da' Sinna' attacking Da Mullet

You gotta admire Stan's courage, but, strategically, a size discrepancy for the mad payaso.

Vexxxxxxx on the attack, trying to take the Sexaaaay out of Slim in front of the SuperFans.

In the end, Fox and Slim took the win, advancing.

A singles match took place, with the revamped Chingo del Santo taking on Team Sex alum, Highroller Hayze, who came to the ring with, I guess it was his dad.  His dad's name is Big Dan Rockford.  I'm liking Fat Old Dan Rockford better.  I did try to offer him a Medicare supplement plan to no avail.  I guess AARP already got to him, but he should look at the rate change for his annual premiums.

Hayze taking bad advice from his dad, dropping said ill-advised elbow.

Chingo crushing Hayze with a Mexican Drop.

Great effort from Hayze's dad, who seems to have fell asleep at ringside, making no effort to stop Chingo from taking flight to crush his son.

In the end, Chingo takes the win.  Hayze needs to consider new management.  It's not always the best to have family working together in business.

Angel Blue then took on "The Green Death" Lady Poison, the ACW Joshi Champ.  She was looking creepy good as always.

After some head games from Poison, Blue tried to attack.  But the ring rust was evident as she left herself vulnerable to the Kiss of Death.

It left Angle Blue retching, moments from vomiting publicly at the green poison secreted into her mouth.  I was hoping it would happen.  Sadly, I was disappointed.  There's always next time.

Flippy Sh!t, consisting of Matt Fitchett and the rockin' Brent Masters took on the Sparkling Emo "Children of Pain", Sky DeLaCrimosa and Jason Silver.  It was a high-flying affair.

Jason Silver 'planking' in the air.
The Children of Sparkle took the win.

Celebrities were in the crowd, including Manny Pacquiao, whos beer of choice was Hamm's.  That makes him even more awesome.

A cruel grudge match from ACW Prom took center stage, featuring "The Walking Roofie", Jake LaMotta took on ACW Joshi darling Rachel Summerlynn.  It was a punishing match, with Rachel dishing out just as much punishment as the sleazy Italian was bringing to the table.
Rachel pwning Mussolini's bastard child LaMotta with a SuperPlex.

At one point, as the WOP bastard was taking advantage of Rachel, humiliating her with moves any sensible HR department would investigate, the entire Joshi roster of ACW came out to exact some karmic revenge.

It seemed Rachel was on the way to the victory, when longtime rival Athena double-crossed the Joshi superstar.

LaMotta with the win.

But as he tried to take advantage of her more, Darin Childs came out for the save.  Rachel walked away with a broken and bloody nose.  We'll see what Childs has in store for the fat facist.

 The final scramble match with the Lotto winners played out like this:  (order eliminated) Killah KASH vs. Athena vs. Amanda Fox vs. Slim Sexy vs. Matthew Palmer vs. Darin Childs (win).  It was a great finish to the lethal lotto.   I hope its a tradition ACW continues.

The last match of the evening was a barroom brawl with The Best in Texas Scot "Showtime" Summers teaming with his brother in blood Masada and ACW technician ACH vs. The Submission Squad Pierre Abernathy, Gary "Gerald James" Jay, and Gelistico.  This was a wild, out-and-out brawl that was a signature ACW hardcore match.
Summers tossing Gelistico into our chairs.  Sometimes, you don't get a chance to sit down anymore at ACW.  Thank God it was the last match. 

Masada bringing out the shish-ka-bob skewers.  Bad news.

Summers suplexes Gelistico into a construction barrier (?)

And away Masada goes with those skewers, jamming one into the head of the chubby technician Abernathy.

Here's a shot of Scot using Gerald James' head to hammer a nail into the wood.

This is "With Leather's" Brandon Stroud and his special lady friend cowering in fear in the corner as the bloodbath plays out before us.

And if you don't visit his satirical sports page, it's time to visit it.  My blog is like Alex Jones to his Rachel Maddow, if that makes sense.  You will laugh.  It's here:

Manny Pacquiao was especially excited to watch Masada brutilize Abernathy in person.  He talked about how he really enjoyed Masada's work in Japan in a Razorboard Match.  Yes, that's not a joke.  YouTube it when you're done reading here.

Here's Scot Summers holding Gary "Gerald James" Jay for Masada to stab several more skewers into the St. Louis scrub's head.

And here's Summers tossing Gary Jay into an industrial sized trash can.  I'll have to remind him to open it next time so they can take Gary out with the trash.

In the end, the Submission Squad took the victory.  Abernathy even challenged Masada for the Hardcore title so he could retire it and take it out of ACW.

To be honest, I'm torn here.  While I believe hardcore has its place, this moral high ground Abernathy has taken has thrown me for a loop.  I have seen Masada utilize science, much to my suprise.  His skill is a stark contrast to other hardcore specialists.  I think a good scientific matchup between the technical Abernathy and the deceptively scientific Masada would be great.  I like Masada, but I also like a guy who defends the science of pro-wrestling.  Somehow, that dastardly Abernathy has me taking his side.  This is an exciting matchup that I'm looking forward to watch play out.

It was a great show from ACW that was made even better by ending at a reasonable time.  It wasn't a five hour marathon like it traditionally can be.  In truth, it was perfect.  Here's looking forward to the next show.

To all the wrestlers I cheer and jeer, thank you.


Some great pics from the Queen of Queens tournament 2011

A bad ass chick fights a bad ass dude... then barbed wire shows up


Bowie Ibarra is the author of the combat sport themed book "Pit Fighters: Baptism by Fire".  He is also the author of the "Down the Road" zombie horror series.  Get your copies today at

For more information, visit

This has been a production.


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