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Sunday, December 19, 2010

FIGHTS/BLOOD...And Chee-tos? ACW: Delusions of our Childish Days


This show was out of control, as per ACW style.  Blood caked the ring, lots of people threw down, the crowd had a blast, and a bag of Cheetos was assaulted by ACW's biggest jerk and leader of the most vicious stable I've ever seen live and in person.

The show opened with a Title vs. Title match between "Playboy" Johnny A$$hole and "Slim Sexy".  It was a fun start that ended with A$$hole taking the title.  But, as usual, he couldn't shut his mouth and made the Heavyweight Title a 24/7 Title.  Evan Gelistico answered the call and trashed Johnny, taking his title and becoming the XWO Heavyweight Champ.

Chingo Smurf came out and beat up on the emo Sky Rider, then RaJEET took on The Children of Pain combo of Darin Childs and Skyler Skelly.  The boys got schooled by the girls, but then the girls were jumped by Amanda "Hansen" Fox, Portia "Jimmy Jacobs" Perez, and Athena.  Serena Deeb came out for the save, and the three challenged the three for the main event.

Masters and Fitchett took on The Submission Squad, and, as usual, the SS cheated to win.

It isn't Christmas in ACW without a Deathmatch.  And, like last year, Chris Wolfe was up for the task.  This time, he took on Shawn Vexx.  It was a bloody affair, with Wolfe getting split open and bleeding like a stuck pig.  Tacks, barbed wire boards, and other found objects in a bar were used.  There was blood.  A lot of it.

After that, The New Age Takeover, composed of ACW's biggest sons-a-bitches, "The Sinister Ginger" Miss Maulie, Franco "Jersey Shore" D'Angelo, and Leader Jaykus "I'm Better than You" Plisken.  Plisken opened by putting down Slim Sexy, KASH Sinbad, and Just Willy.  Plisken took it to Willy, dropping the fun loving Austinite on his head and neck, taking Willy out of the match.  Then, The NAT took out Slim Sexy, who fought valiently before being taken out.  Sinbad stood no chance, and the sons-a-bitches won. 

And then in one of the most dastardly attacks ever on snack foods to rival the (San) Uvalde Jr. High School food fight of 1989, Plisken grabbed a full bag of Cheetos from the hands of ACW SuperFan Teri and smashed them against the ringpost.  He then took the bag and pounded them against the apron, crushing the helpless American snack staple.  It was not only an attack on snacks, but an attack on our country.

All I know is someone needs to nut-up and take it to these guys.  It's one thing to wrestle to a finish and win by hook or crook.  It's another to try and hurt people.  Everbody working's still gotta eat.

JC Bravo of the SmurfNation took on Big Ricky and beat the big man.  ACH beat up on Jason Silver in a competative match.  But the matchup many were waiting for was the Title vs. Title match between Hardcore Champ Masada vs. ACW Heavyweight Champ Rober Evans.  I didn't think Evans had the stones to take on Masada, but he did.  As usual, Evans gave it his all, and Masada showed no mercy.

After the above superplex, neither man could answer the bell, and the match was ruled a draw.

That match was followed by a 6-man elimination match for JT LaMotta's ACW YouTube Title, featuring Dingo, Vega, LaMotta, SuperElectro, Gary Jay, and Japanese star Tozawa Akira. 

The match was great, but the best part was Tozawa punking me out in front of everybody for giving Gary Jay a hard time.  Vary Gay and the rest of the Submission Squad always get an earful from me and the rest of the SuperFans I sit with.  Tonight, I was being an ass and letting Vary have it when Tozawa came down, shushed me, and told me to "relax".  It was a lesson in Japanese respect for all pro-wrestlers I will never forget. 

A vicious grudge match ensued between The Best in Texas, "Showtime" Scot Summers and "The Health Nut" Darin Childs.  They started with some science, but then threw that all out the window and brawled.  They even took it to the streets of Austin, into the neighboring bar, and back into the ring where they continued to brutalize each other.  Darin Childs won with an assist from LaMotta, and Summers vowed revenge in a no rope barbed wire deathmatch.  Can anyone bring some C4 to add to the barbed wire so we can have a FMW-style exploding barbed wire match?

"I'm a drunk Mexican hanging out for some pro-wrestling because I support independent pro-wrestling.  That's when you pull up, parking in a parking lot next door, waiting to drink some Michelob Ultra and talk about children exploited in a Guatemalan sweat shop.  That's when the match spills out of one bar and on your truck.  It's then you realize your cut rate insurance won't cover a bald, bearded badass taking care of business in and around your truck.  So get Allstate, save cash, and be better protected from Mayhem like ACW."

Serena Deeb was looking great as she came out to join RaJEET to take on Fox, Jacobs-Perez, and Athena. 

Perez and Deeb faced off, then threw down.

It was a great elimination match, with Perez taking the victory.

Check out the post night video here: 

And, for a laugh, here's a photobomb I caught with Deeb.

To all the wrestlers I cheer and jeer, thank you.


Epic pics from ACW Queen of Queens 2011

ACW is the DNA of the Revolution, 2011

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