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Saturday, July 2, 2011

FIGHTS - HBO Boxing Results: Klitchko/Haye - Haye fails to deliver...

David Haye had been shouting to the world for months now that he was going to bring the pain to the big Ukranian Heavyweight Boxing kingpin, "Dr. Steelhammer" Vladimir Klitchko.  I'd been waiting for the fight for weeks now.  And so was this dude.

"Go Engrland!  Engerland, Engerland, Engerlaaaaaand!"

As per their boxing fan tradition, the UK stood solidy behind Haye, praying that he would deliver the promised goods.  In fact, Haye's trip to the ring was pure pandemonium, with his fans jumping in front of him and the camera forcing his handlers to shove people out of the way.

Haye even enlisted MMA fighter James "The Colossus" Thompson to help him to the ring.  You remember James Thompson?  He's the guy that almost beat Kimbo Slice, and got his cauliflowered ear busted in the process. 

And he had his hands full.  He should have wore a mohawk, he would have looked like Wez from "Road Warrior".

"You!  You can run, but you can't hide!"
Then, the avant-garde theatrical style popularized in Germany in the 60's and now Lady GaGa went into full effect.

Since the fight was in Germany, the promotion put together a very 1960's German Arthaus style leadup to the fight, complete with what seemed like actors from a local theatre group.  Berthold Brecht and Epic Theatre movement would be proud.

George Forman had a role as well.  He played a man on a park bench reading a newspaper from the future that had video of Klitchko/Haye press conferences.  I guess we have Lady GaGa to thank for all this classic German Arthaus stuff.

"Achtung!  Eine kline Foreman Grill"

Klitchko became a part of the Epic Theatre production, walking through the set.  I thought he was going to rough up the actors with his crew before hitting the ring.

National Anthems were sung, playing up to the natural jingoist aspects of an international battle.  A unusually sublime and feminine "God Save the Queen" was played before the masculine Ukranian National Anthem.

Personally, I think it would have been better if Nicolai Volkoff sang the classic Soviet National Anthem instead.  And Fred Blassie returned from the grave as his manager.
Below is a picture that pretty much sums up the fight.

Haye had amazing head and body movement for a heavyweight.  But he wasn't adding any punches to the mix, staying on the outside.

There were few flurries from either fighter, and Haye didn't deliver the goods as he promised.

For me, if you're fighting for one of the oldest, most coveted and respected titles in the history of combat sports, you have got to let it all hang out.  I love British fighters.  And I wanted to see an upset, even though I knew the cold Russian had the advantage with his jab.

But Haye did little but flop to the ground when Vladimir made the slightest pushing movement downward on Haye on the inside.  Haye needed to get to the inside to fight, not flop.  And with Haye staying on the outside, Vlad had the advantage with arm length.  But nothing really happened apart from several flurries from Haye.  It was not enough to take the win.

This was supposed to be the biggest heavyweight fight for years, and it sputtered thanks to Haye and Klitchko.

Boxing, please.  I love you.  I'll always love you, and champion you as sport of sports.  But if you can't put two guys who truly want the greatest combat sport title the world has ever known and to forever be known as one of the best combat sports participants in the world, then you have to put two guys in there who will lay it all on the line for the greatest combat sport glory the world has ever known. 

Please, or you will fade away.

What this fight needed was Nicolai Volkoff and the Iron Sheik jumping in with steel chairs.

Volkoff sings the Soviet National Anthem at Madison Square Garden, circa 1980's


Stop blaming judges for fighters putting it in cruise control in the final rounds

Science will always win over a brawler


Bowie V. Ibarra is the author of the combat sport novel, "Pit Fighters: Baptism by Fire".
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